Are You Blind?

Today was World Youth Sunday (the U.S. Celebration according to the NFCYM). For St. Edward, that means I get the amazing opportunity to give a reflection after the homily at all 5 of our Masses. I thought I'd share with my blog friends, so here it goes!


Are you blind?

We’ve all heard the story before.  There’s a blind man and the people around the town typically ignore him, asking him to be quiet.  They don’t want to deal with him, he is just a nuisance.  But then Jesus comes and things change.  The people do what Jesus tells them to and take the time to interact with the man, and by the end of the story, the blind man is miraculously cured and can live an easier life now.  (Luckily for this blind man, the story in Mark Chapter 10 doesn’t include any saliva – if that doesn’t ring a bell, go back a couple of chapters to a different blind man’s story and you’ll see what I mean.)  It’s such a fairytale-esque ending with the “happily ever after” feel, and I think many of us look at it as a classic Jesus miracle.

Why does this story matter to us?  Well, are you blind?  Can you see everything clearly?  If Jesus was literally in your presence, right in front of your face, would you be able to sense that He was there?  As much as I hope that the answer is yes, I know that there have been many times in my life where I could not see clearly.  And the truth of the matter is that Jesus is always right in front of our faces.

As the youth minister, this is a story I witness all the time within the context of youth ministry.  Every teen, just like every adult, goes through a time where they cannot see.  They have questions, they have doubts, they have complicated family situations that they have to deal with every day.  I’ve had teens come in my office who are on fire for God, but for every teen that’s passionate about their faith, there are another 5 who are just going through the motions.  They are blind to their need for Christ!  And who are we to blame them?  If we don’t recognize our own need for Christ and actively seek Him, how can we expect our teens to see the beauty of God in their own lives?

Are you blind?

Last year on World Youth Sunday, I hinted at a time in my life where God became a reality for me, when I experienced Him in a profound way.  When I was sixteen, my life looked good on the outside.  I was the perfect kid:  I was in the top 10 of my class, I was involved in Key Club and coordinated service projects, I liked broccoli and other vegetables, I was the first chair flute in symphonic band, I was the section leader in marching band, I got my driver’s permit on the first try, I cantored in our youth choir at church, and somehow I still had time to hang out with my best friends and my siblings.  But inside, my life was twisted up.  My parents were fighting, with my dad sometimes not sleeping at home because of the arguments they were having, and I was throwing myself into everything I could to get out of the house.  Sure, I enjoyed all of the activities I was doing, and I had always been self-motivated to do my best at everything, but life was hard.  It wasn’t peaceful.  I went to church every Sunday without complaint, but I was blind.  I believed in God’s existence, but I didn’t see God working in my life, and I definitely didn’t see Him as a father or a friend.

That summer, I went to on a week-long mission trip to Nashville, Tennessee, painting houses and building wheelchair ramps during the day and staying at a local Catholic school in the evening.  It wasn’t my first mission trip, and I had always liked helping people, so the aspect of working hard and serving others wasn’t something that took me out of comfort zone.  However, the evening programming was a different story.  On Tuesday night, we were scheduled to have Eucharistic Adoration.  Now let me tell you, I used to really and truly despise adoration!  When my parents would take me to adoration on Holy Thursday as a kid, I remember going in with a backpack full of Catholic activities:  a Bible, coloring pages from Veggie Tales, a glow-in-the-dark rosary.  I’d even start reading the Gather hymnal out of sheer desperation to not slowly die from boredom.  It’s not that I hated Jesus, as I definitely believed that Jesus was somehow there in the Eucharist, but I had never experienced Him in a way that made sitting in His presence something I wanted to do.  So when I was told we’d all be participating in adoration that evening, my sixteen-year-old self was a little nervous.  Would I get bored?  Would I fall asleep?  Would people notice that I wasn’t as into it as I thought I should be?

Later on in the evening, I found myself walking with the group towards the church, being led along candle-lined hallways.  I considered what I would pray about, and of course my family flashed through my brain.  I sat down in a pew, spread out from the girls next to me, and looked at my lap.  A musician played guitar and sung something about God being here or Jesus being everything we need, but I didn’t pay attention.  I got stuck thinking about my family.  Why were we so messed up?  Why couldn’t my dad just pull it together?  Why were things falling apart?  Why couldn’t we just get along like we used to?  God, why is life so hard?  I was blind to Jesus being right in front of me as the thoughts turned over in my head, trying to figure out if I should be doing something differently or if there was something I could do to protect my younger siblings from feeling as hurt as I did.  It was too much.  I couldn’t do it on my own, and my tears welled up as my fears bubbled to the surface.  I needed help.

I was blind.

I don’t know what changed – maybe the musician paused between songs or someone sitting on my pew shifted around – but something pulled me out of my thoughts, and I looked up.  Do you know who was in front of me?  Jesus.  The Savior of the world.  The One who loves each and every one of us.  The One who did something different and died for you.  The One who died for me.  All of a sudden, I wasn’t blind anymore.  I could see.  No, the host didn’t jump out of the monstrance.  No, I didn’t hear God’s voice thunder across the church or whisper in my ear.  But I knew.  God was present right in front of me.  And all of my questions, all of my fears and all of my rambling thoughts, could be given to Him.  I wanted a real father to be present in my life?  God could be my Father, because He is my Father.  I felt His love encompass me, hugging my heart in a way that I still can’t find words for.  It changed everything.

I could see.

This is why I do what I do.  This is what I want for each and every one of our teens.  I want them to be able to see God in their families, in their friends, in the kids that they don’t get along with, in the pictures they post on Instagram and SnapChat, in their own perfectly-created bodies, in their desires.  And I want them to see God when He’s right in front of them in the Eucharist, because it has the ability to change everything.

Can you see?

The blind man in the Gospel couldn’t see Jesus.  But he knew that he needed Jesus, and when he heard that Jesus was nearby, he continued to cry out until he found himself in Christ’s presence.  And when he was finally with Jesus, he asked Him for the one thing that his heart so desperately wanted – he asked to be able to see, and Jesus opened his eyes.  It’s scary to me to think of how many of us, teens and adults alike, forget our need for Jesus.  We rely on our own thoughts and abilities, thinking that we can get ourselves through.  But in the end, try as we might, we can’t save ourselves.  We need our Creator, our Savior, our Father.  We need to want Him in order to see Him for Who He is truly is.  And once we see Him, everything can change.

Look around at the people around you.  Can they see?

Hopefully, you are someone who’s been lucky enough to recognize your need for God, realizing you can’t do it on your own.  But you need other people to help you open your eyes to God.  When I was blind, I didn’t see the people who were around me, ready to help me up.  It was only after the fact that I thought about my youth minister who had encouraged me to go on the trip, or the musician and mission trip coordinators who created the environment in which I experienced God.  It wasn’t until the day after adoration that I confided in one of the chaperones on the trip, a dad who was close to my family and knew what I was struggling with.  Each of these adults already had heard and seen God, and they brought me and many other teens into His presence.  They couldn’t force us to open our eyes, but they knew that if we asked God to do it, amazing things would happen.  And because of their belief and hope, I can see.


This is what youth ministry is about.  And really, this is what being Catholic is about.  God is already looking at you, all you have to do is want to look back at Him.  Start by gazing upon Jesus as Father lifts Him up in a few minutes.  If you desire more time in God’s presence, join our teens as we kick off our monthly EXALT Adoration this Wednesday night and ask Jesus to open your eyes and see Him for who He truly is.  And once you’ve seen God’s face and heard his voice, don’t be like the townspeople who wait to be told to bring the blind man to the Lord; instead, go out of your way to help bring those who are blind into the Lord’s presence!  The world is filled with teens, with families, and with countless others who need to have their eyes opened in order for the Kingdom of God to reign on Earth.  You’ve seen His face, you’ve heard His voice, you’ve gotten a taste of Heaven.  What has God done for you?  Where can you find joy but in Christ?  The world needs your witness and your involvement.  Let’s grab as many people as we can and bring them on our journey towards Heaven.  Get up, the Lord is calling!

The Devil Is Real

The devil is real.  Spiritual battles are constantly happening all around us.  Are you ready to fight and be victorious with God?

The full reality of the devil is a recent realization in my life.  I've always known about the evil that Satan is capable of, but did you know how personal his attacks can be?  He revels in twisting the Truth, sneaking doubts into your blessings, making your nerves seem more important than your excitement and joy and hope.  When something good happens, something that's leading people to see even a small glimpse of God's coming glory, the devil tends to be waiting in the corner, ready to pounce.  And do you know why?  Because he has nothing to lose.  He already lost everything when he turned away from God.  All he has is personal gain and revenge and an insatiable desire to be the object of our worship.

God is so much bigger than vengeful plots, so much more than an earthly king!  God didn't have personal gain in mind when He loved us, when He created us, when He gave us freedom, when He died for us, when He humbles Himself in that amazing gift of life we call the Eucharist.  He can't gain anything that would make Him better - He's already God, the Uncreated One.  But He has something to lose:  us.

Don't let the devil take you away from God.  Remember the One who loves you through it all.  Remember who you are and Whose you are.

I was lucky enough to be invited to a worship night at fellow youth minister's house, where we sung our praises to God.  As he played the guitar, his 2 year old son played his own instrument, a ukelele.  All that kid wanted was to be himself, modeling his own behavior after that of his dad and making his dad proud of what he was doing.  It came so naturally to him!  His dad would strum louder, and he'd strum louder.  His dad would keep time with his foot, and he'd stomp his own foot.  His dad used a pick, so he used a pick.  Could he play the ukelele?  No.  Could he tune his ukelele like his dad tuned the guitar?  Not at all.  Could he sing all the words or understand them?  Nope.  But was his dad proud of him, this child who is slowly becoming the person he was created to be?  Absolutely!

This summer, I'm reminded of two things.  One, God has already won the war between good and evil - it's not all up to me.  And two, all God wants for us is to be ourselves, modeled after the One who created us, learning to desire unending life with Him.  How can we possibly remember this in the midst of everything, within all the pain and stress and desperation?  We have to look to Him, so that "through it all my eyes are on You."  He is bigger, He has conquered, He has dominion over everything, so much so that "the waves and wind still know His name."  If the waves of the ocean can be calmed with God's voice, if the wind that brushes the mountain can destroy it with one Word, who am I, one of His prized creations, to do anything BUT let go and trust in Him?

Let's stop being afraid to tell the world of God's glory.  Let's stop using the excuses that the devil puts on our minds, the ones that make us nervous or doubt ourselves or think that God doesn't love us or that God requires too much of us, as reasons why we aren't the ones who are supposed to be shouting the proclamation of the Kingdom from the mountains.  The Kingdom of God is at hand!  The victor has already won!  Let's spread that Truth in it's fullness to the masses - "that He is God!"  Don't keep it to yourself, don't gloss over it and settle for less than the full Truth, and don't get discouraged when each battle you enter into doesn't turn out the way you intended.  Just keep playing your ukelele, keep shouting from the mountains, keep your eyes on God.  Through it all.  Through it ALL.

Pray for your friends, pray for your enemies, and don't lose sight of the victory that's already been won.

Quotes are from 2 songs:  "It Is Well" by Bethel Music and "All the Poor & Powerless" by All Sons & Daughters.

The Joy of the Gospel Hits the Road

Last week, I got to spend 7 days and 6 nights at our Diocesan Work Camp, a mission trip where 200 teens and adults serve the Lord in the day by building wheelchair ramps and fixing bathrooms and in the morning & evening by attending daily Mass, listening to inspirational talks, and basically making the most joyful ruckus you've ever seen or heard.  Normally, it's one of those trips that I look forward to and enjoy a lot but totally drains me - but this year was different.

When we left the camp's homebase on Sunday, I had 4 girls in the van with me.  We were cruising through C'Ville on our way to the highway when we saw a homeless man on the side of the road, holding a sign next to the left turn lane.  This is a pretty typical sight for us as people who live in Richmond, and I always say a quick prayer for the guys I see and will normally give them some change if I get the chance to pull up next to them.  However, this time I had teens in the car with me, and the second they saw him, they immediately started screaming "WHO HAS MONEY?  WE NEED TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING!  KATIE, ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW AND WAVE HIM OVER AND GIVE THIS TO HIM!"  Their enthusiasm was astounding, and as much as I agreed with them, our light changed just as I rolled down the window and we would have to make him cross a lane of moving traffic in order to give him the $5 one of the girls had in her pocket.  But as I rolled the window back up, I promised that we would turn around and get over to his side of the street so that they could help him out.

When we got back to that same corner a couple minutes later, I rolled down the middle window so that the girls could be the ones to hand the man their money.  When he came up to us, he had a tear in his eye as he put down his sign that said "Please help, God bless you."  He thanked the girls for the generosity and then knocked on my window.  When I rolled it down, he asked if he had just seen us turn a minute before, which I said yes.  He was blown away that we would come back for him, and I told him truthfully that it was all because of the girls' persistence.  He gave all of us high fives and told us that God loves us just as the light changed and "Living on a Prayer" got to the chorus (which one of the girls had pumped up the volume on, making the whole encounter more ridiculous and amazing).  As we turned, I could see him smiling at us with a smile that lit up his entire face.

I think what stands out to me most is that this is exactly what we are called to do!  Whatever those girls heard in their ears and in their hearts that week, it had come alive in them in a new way.  It wasn't a big plan, and heck, it was only five bucks, but they did it with such a fiery, passionate love!  We had an encounter with Christ that day, and it was joy-filled and fun.  To see that man smile, to get to touch him and see their joy overflow and spread to him - THAT is what the mission of the Church is all about.  That's what Pope Francis is talking about when he says to spread the Gospel with joy!  Who cares if we had to try a second time in order to be close enough, or if he was a little dirty, or if we were awkwardly wearing matching t-shirts and listening to Bon Jovi?  God wants to meet us right here, right now - the amount of time or the way we look is irrelevant, because it's all about us being present with Him and Him being present with us.  Get out on that road of life and start proclaiming the Good News with the exuberant and persistent joy that it brings to you!

And the money the girls gave to that man? We realized later on during the ride home that it was the $5 one of them had won for memorizing the Bible verse the work camp's theme of Chosen was based on and being able to recite it in front of the whole camp.  She didn't even think twice when one of the other girls was screaming about who had money to give him - she just handed it over without a second thought.  Talk about embracing that whole idea of being chosen by God and letting Him work through you to glorify His name!

"It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you."  -John 15:16 

The Miraculous Gift of a Doll

It's June - so obviously, it's time for a Christmas story!  A few years ago, Anna (my little sister) wanted one thing:  Ruthie, a doll from American Girl.  She has 3 American dolls that were all hand-me-downs from me, and she had other dolls, so she didn't need a doll - but it was the one thing she really wanted for Christmas.  Even though it was significantly more doable than what she had asked for the year before (she wrote a letter to Santa asking for world peace!), it was a big thing to ask.  American girl dolls are almost $100, and that year had been a rough year for our family, both financially and emotionally.  Though we would definitely get a couple of presents (clothes, a DVD or 2, and a stocking full of candy), no one was expecting a big ticket item as we often got in the past.  Though still in elementary school, Anna totally understood this and had her sights set much lower (she was past believing in Santa, and Santa never brought the expensive items - that was reserved for Mom & Dad!).  She would only bring up Ruthie if really prompted, and even then, she'd say "one day, it would be cool to have her, but not this year."

Now, Michael (the older of my two younger brothers) was in college and I was in grad school at the time.  Since we each had a small amount of wiggle room in our budgets, we decided to make Anna's Christmas similar to the Christmases we had always had growing up:  waking up on Jesus's birthday and seeing a tree that had tons of presents spilling out from underneath it.  We would make sure she got all the main things on her list (this was the year of Headbands!) and each got her 5 presents, much more than we would have typically gotten.  In talking to my mom, she said that she could swing it and get Ruthie for Anna, especially since we were taking some of the pressure off of her and the budget.  Over a month before Christmas, we had the plan to make sure Anna got what she was dreaming of and truly deserved (she's one of the purest, most compassionate people I know - even then when she was so little!).  The wait to tell her was excruciating!

Christmas morning came, and the Ruthie doll was wrapped and under the tree.  Since I knew which box it was in, I made sure that it was the last gift Anna opened.  When she opened it, she didn't scream and jump up and down with excitement - nope, instead of the typical reactions, she started bawling!  Her tears were ones of shock and joy.  In her wildest dreams, she hadn't thought she was going to get that doll that year.  She sat there for at least 30 minutes holding Ruthie as close as she could to her body.  Her smile the rest of the day could light up the whole sky.  The impossible had happened!  After such a crappy year of emotional downs and stressed out family members, she had something hopeful and beautiful to hold on to that was just right for her.

To me, this moment - this moment of shock, awe, wonder, beauty, and hope - was a miracle.  It wasn't the kind of miracle that would catch media attention, one where someone is dying of stage four cancer and then is inexplicably cured, and it wasn't even like the ones we think of when we look at the Bible, with the parting of the Red Sea or Daniel not being eaten by lions or the centurion's daughter being brought back to life.  Nope, this wasn't life-or-death... Or was it?  Our family had been dying in a sense, and as the youngest, Anna was getting dragged through everything without getting even the tiniest bit of say within it.  And she was taking it like a champ!  But, even when we have the best attitudes and the best intentions, we still need something tangible sometimes to hold on to, something that gives us hope and helps us not to be consumed by our trials & tribulations.  To me, a miracle is a surprise gift from God.  It's not something that's deserved, it's not something that's earned, it's not something that can be expected.  You can ask for it, but even though you trust in God, you can't assume it will happen - because miracles, as gifts from God, always work within His plan for our lives, not our own plan or timing.  A miracle is something that reminds us of Gabriel's words to Mary, that nothing will be impossible for God.  And sure, in the grand scheme of things, this was a very little surprise, one that was coordinated by my family for Anna - but that doesn't mean God wasn't using us in His plan for bringing her some of His joy.  At that moment, she experienced God in a profound way, one that brought the sun back into her heart when disappointment had been looming on the horizon.

One last thought.  When Anna opened her last present, my mom and I were paying close attention and got to experience that moment with her - I can still feel the tears rolling down my face as I watched her go from shock to joy to bewilderment to being overwhelmed.  However, my brothers and dad missed the initial moment.  I'm not blaming them by a long shot!  We were at the end of the present-opening extravaganza and the TV had gone back on and they had their own new things to be looking at - but it doesn't change the fact that they didn't witness that first moment.  I think this happens a lot of times with miracles - we miss them.  Maybe we see them, but we don't recognize them for what they are.  I promise, they're happening all the time!  It could be a call from a friend in the hour you really need an ear to talk to, or it could be when you leave 2 minutes later than you were planning and don't get in the car accident that you would have if you had left on time.  Do you thank God for the simple gift of your life and the lives around us?  His joyful hope is all around us - all we have to do is look for it!  And when you actively look but can't see it, ask a friend for help.  They just might help you find your next surprise gift from God.

One for the College Kids

So many topics to write about when it comes to college!  Obviously, as a youth minister, I interact with lots of teens who are going to college or will one day go to college or ho are already in college - so when one of them suggested I come up with some tips for the graduating seniors, it sounded like the perfect topic to start back up with!  (The last 3 weeks have been filled with a cold and Confirmation, but I'm back on the blog-writing scene, I promise!)  Since my Bible Study just started reading the Book of Revelation, I thought I'd come up with 7 points, since 7 is the perfect number.  (Why?  That's another blog for another day.  For now, let's just say 3+4=7.)

Without further ado, here are 7 dos (and their corresponding don'ts) for those entering college in the fall:

1. Try New Things - But Don't Try Everything.  When I asked my Facebook friends for their thoughts on tips for college freshmen, this was the #1 piece of advice I heard.  College is the perfect time to join that swing dance club, take that random class on romantic literature from the 1800s, and try Thai food for the first time.  Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and try something new!  There's so much to learn (both with school subjects and in living life), and college provides the perfect atmosphere to meet people you otherwise wouldn't have met and and do things that you wouldn't otherwise have done.  That being said, don't go overboard.  Stay true to yourself!  If your friend wants to go to a frat party but you aren't interested in sticky floors, awkward dancing, and underage drunk people, then don't go.  (Throw a board game night instead - I promise, you're not the only one who wants a night in!)  Just because you should try new things doesn't mean everything you do needs to be new - make sure to still sign up for your campus ministry, and take math classes because you're good at them!  And that class called "Argumentation" that will fulfill your 2nd writing requirement?  I know it sounds interesting, but read the reviews about it - it's not worth the energy.

2. Make Lots of Friends - But Don't "Friend" Everyone.  If college orientation is anything like it was 9 years ago, everyone will be in friend mode.  People will have 1 minute of conversation with you and will immediately want all of your contact info, including your last name so they can find you on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat.  This isn't a bad thing, but let's be honest - it's very unlikely that the people you meet at orientation are going to be your best friend when school actually starts.  So meet new people and be friendly, but don't rely on them to be your entire social group once school actually starts.  So how do you meet your new friends?  Unless you were a military kid like me or otherwise moved around a lot, this very well could be a new concept for you - but you can do it!  Talk to the people you end up sitting next to in class, go to a party that's hosted by a club you're in, and set up lunch in between classes with some of your hallmates/suitemates.  You don't know who will be in your graduation photos with you, but you will find them!

3.  Put God First - But Don't Use Him as an Excuse.  I know, this should be #1, but 3 is the divine number, so there you go.  (Again, going back to the Revelation Bible Study...)  But seriously, make God your priority!  There's a lot going on at college, and you will most likely find yourself even busier than you were in high school - but remember, your ultimate life goal is not graduating or getting a good job, it's getting to heaven to be with your Creator!  Set yourself up for success by picking a weekend Mass to go to and going to a couple of your Catholic campus ministry's kick-off events.  By surrounding yourself with people who are focused on the same goal as you, you'll find it easier to center your life around Christ.  That being said, don't use your faith as an excuse to not interact with people who have different viewpoints or discount them as not being worth your time.  That kind of attitude goes completely against our mission of evangelization (sharing the Gospel with all nations) as Catholics!  When you're strong in your own faith, that's a great time to interact with with people of different religions and belief systems because you can learn from each other without giving up your own identity.  You never know - the conversation you have with a Buddhist about meditation might make you appreciate the great mystics of the Church more!

4.  Be Nervous, Excited, Exuberant, Homesick, Happy - But Don't Get Caught Up in "All the Feels".  You are going to have (and I'm sure already have) a ton of emotions about college.  You're leaving home, you're leaving your family, your friends are going to be spread across the country - you have every right to feel scared and have a pit in your stomach!  At the same time, you're excited about all the new possibilities, starting fresh and rediscovering who you are.  Between sappy graduation parties, prom dates, college orientations, senior trips, and everything else, you are on an emotional roller coaster that won't likely be matched until your graduate college in a few years.  Revel in the emotions as you feel them, but don't get caught up in them to the point where you can't see anything else.  Just because you're sad about leaving your friends from home doesn't mean you need to put 25 instagram pictures up a day that document every fun moment you've had with them - I promise, they will feel your love without being constantly tagged and liked.  And when you're asked about where you decided to go (which will happen at least once a day for the entire summer), don't explode on the poor person with how you're so nervous you might cry but so happy that you finally know what you're doing with your future but so overwhelmed with your finals but so filled with senioritis that you don't really care how you do on them...  Let yourself breathe!  If you're feeling nervous all the time (whether in the summer or when you actually get to college), talk to a parent or another trusted adult about it - don't forget your family and your support system at home!  If you're feeling sentimental, get your friends together to go to Maymont for a photo shoot.  Don't get so caught up in your emotions that you forget to live.

5.  Take Pictures - But Not of Everything.  Seriously, take pictures, especially during your first year of college!  Your freshman year will be different from the other three for lots of reasons, and you will want to remember it, from band camp to roommate bonding to campus ministry ice cream socials.  However, DON'T TAKE PICTURES OF EVERYTHING.  Don't be that girl/boy who posts a picture every day of their food in the dining hall just so that people can like it and make them feel important.  You are important, but the special of the day isn't (especially since it's probably just transformed leftovers from yesterday's dinner).  When you go with your roommate to get her first tattoo, take pictures of the experience - but don't take selfies with her every day just to prove you're alive.  What will you actually want to remember in 10 years?  What will your future kids want to see, and what would be okay for your future employer to find?  (Though if it's not okay for an employer to see, you should probably think twice about doing it...)

6.  Let the Plan Change - But Don't Change the Plan Without a Reason.  When you go to college, you have a plan of what your life will be like.  You know which dorm you want to live in, what kind of roommate you want, which clubs you're going to join, what you're going to major in, what you want as your double-major, etc.  But college is another part of life - and life is full of surprises.  I went to UVA thinking I was going to major in statistics, do marching band for all 4 years, and sing at the 11:30am Mass every Sunday (because I hated going to Mass at night).  Between 2006 and 2010, I went from a statistics major to a statistics major astronomy minor to a statistics-psychology double major to a statistics-music double major to a music major with an almost minor in math, psychology, and astronomy.  When I finally got to be a drill instructor in marching band my fourth year, I had to step out, and my weekly Mass changed to the 5:15pm Life Teen Mass when I switched to the Life Teen band at the end of my second year.  Things change!  But I didn't make those changes on a whim, and I wouldn't be where I am today if each and every one of those things hadn't happened.  (I very much believe that God has led me here, and I'm very happy with my life!)  Make sure that when things change, you know why they're changing.  And pray about it!  Don't drop out of the intramural softball team just because your friend is, and don't drop your engineering major just because dynamics is hard.  Allow things to change, but be intentional, thoughtful, and prayerful when making those changes, and talk to students who are a year or more ahead of you as well as your college advisor to get a balanced opinion.

7.  Have the Best Time of Your Life - But Don't Think It's the Only One.  College will be an amazing time of your life if you let it!  The classes you take will be more interesting than the ones you took in high school, the clubs/sports/ministries you join will help you find out what you're passionate about, and the friends you make could very well be the ones who stand at your side when you get married.  There will be a ton of memories made that will make great stories at high school reunions, family gatherings, and within scrapbooks.  But don't let it overshadow all the great things that have already happened in your life!  The Steubenville Conference you went to in high school still has a lasting impact on your life, the friends you went to prom with should still matter to you, and the family vacation you took when you were 13 is still a great story to tell at parties!  Plus, you graduate college when you're 22 (or so).  It's not like your life will be all downhill from there, I promise!  College was great, but life as a 27 year old is pretty fantastic, too (it's the first time I was ever blindfolded, crowned, and bequeathed with a cape on my birthday!).

This is definitely not an exhaustive list, but it's a good start.  And when you're not sure about something when you get there in the fall, remember what Jesus said: "Be not afraid!"  Listen to your gut, remember who you are, and you will have a great time.

Beer, Faith, & Freedom

Something that's bothered me for a while is the concept of freedom.  Living in the world that we do as Americans, we definitely take freedom for granted!  We also think that freedom is defined as "the ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want, with whomever I want."  Basically, it's all about what I want to do - and if you try to tell me I can't do something, then you are limiting me and taking away my freedom.

So...story time.  Let's say that you are a forth year in college (UVA grad here, so not a "senior").  You and a group of friends decide to attend a party where there will be drinking, and you decide to head over to the keg.  You are old enough to legally drink, so there's no problem there, right?  As it gets later into the night, you *freely* decide to keep getting more drinks - some beer from the keg, some mixed drinks from the make-shift bar, and even a couple of whiskey shots from your friend's flask.

Pause.  Okay, going into the night, yes, you made choices freely:  you weren't pressured into going, and you freely chose to drink, even to excess.  That's your right!  You are allowed to do it, and you decided to do it!  You're free to do what you want, and you did it!  Nothing wrong with that...right?

You think about going home, and after another shot, you walk home with your friends, barely making it into your apartment before passing out on the couch.  The next morning, you wake up in a daze, feeling like you're going to be seeing whatever it is you ate and drank last night again.  After fighting it for a bit, you have to admit it - you are super hung over, and the plans you had for your day are screwed.  You're too nauseous to eat lunch with the guy who finally asked you out, you're too dizzy to write your term paper that's due the next day, you don't remember what you said last night to get such a nasty text from your best friend...basically, all you can do is give in to the hang over, make some mac n' cheese, and watch Friends on Netflix for the third time as you nap on and off all day.

Is this what we want?  Do we really want a freedom that lets us do whatever we want in the moment but doesn't take into account the future?  When God gave Adam & Eve free will, He didn't just say "hey kids, go have fun and do whatever you want!"  Nope, there were some guidelines:  make sure to name all the animals, don't eat the fruit from 1 tree, and don't be stupid.  (Okay, I added that last one.)  Why are there guidelines?  Because each of the decisions we freely make has a ripple effect, with some decisions leading to good effects and some to bad.  Adam & Eve could still make the decision to eat from the tree (which they did...ugh), but God's guidelines were there to make them think about that decision and warn them that the outcome might not be good, no matter how delicious the pomegranate was!  God wasn't trying to limit their freedom to choose - He was trying to help them stay free from their worldly desires and continue to live in His love!

In the story, the college kid chose freely to go to the party, but by making that decision, they were NOT free the next day to do whatever they want.  Simply put, they freely chose to give up their freedom!  That second day, they were not able to do whatever they wanted...and if our culture is going to require that we must be able to always do whatever we think we want whenever we want it in order to be free, it's not going to work out for very long.  The college kid might not have realized it, but the deeper they got into the party, the more they lost their next day's freedom.

Just in case you were getting nervous, I'm not saying that all drinking is bad - I am Catholic after all, and I love getting together for a round of beers with my friends!  All I'm saying is that we should challenge this idea of a short-term freedom being such a great thing.  How amazing would our lives be if we all made decisions based on a vision of one eternal home rather than one fun night?  I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a slave to my desires (Galatians 5:13 - check it out).  I want to live a life of purpose, using my freedom to choose God in all circumstances, not because I've made myself incapable of doing something else but simply because I want to.  I want the Holy Spirit - the Breath of God, the reason why we are alive and are free to make decisions in the first place - to fill my life all of my days so that, when I meet God face to face and get to choose between living with Him & finding my purpose OR doing my own thing & wandering around without Him forever, I use my freedom to choose Heaven.  Instead of being free (and potentially stupid) tonight, let's try to be free forever.

Freedom Reigns by Jesus Culture

"Cute af" & the Concept of Beauty

OK, I just have to rant for a second.  What's up with this phrase "cute af"?  Why is it so popular, and why are girls the ones who are using it all the time?  It is so disturbing to me that so many of the teens and young adults out there (many of them my teens, who I truly care about!) are using this phrase!  If you don't know what this is, I apologize for taking this small piece of innocence away from you, but it means "cute as f***."  (NOW do you see why this is so disturbing?!)  Girls will comment under their friends' Instagram selfies that they look "cute af", and sometimes the poster even labels herself by saying she's "feeling cute af" today.  Seriously - no matter what the context, it is a disgusting, volatile, makes-me-want-to-vomit-because-I'm-so-concerned-about-the state-of-our-culture kind of phrase.  It pierces my heart whenever I see it!  (Just ask my friends - they can confirm how much I distaste this phrase, with text message conversations to prove it!)

I don't say this to degrade the teens and women out there who have used this, but for the love of all that is good and holy, can we please think about what it is that "cute af" means?  Actually, let's start with what it doesn't mean:

It doesn't mean beautiful.
It doesn't mean desired by a pure heart.
It doesn't mean attractive in body and spirit.
It doesn't mean loveable.

Nope, it means exactly what it says - it means that you look like you are ready to lay down on a bed and fully expose yourself to a man.  That word is not the same as wanting to "make love" to someone, which is what sex should be doing - embodying the love that a man and a woman have for each other so that their bodies become one flesh as their lives become one life - no, that word means that someone wants to use you to get some pleasure before moving on to the next thing that gets him aroused.  Just.....ew. 

And what makes that knife in my heart twist around is the fact that it comes out of a beautiful and holy longing to be desired, cherished, and loved.  As women, we want to be fought for!  We don't need to be rescued as if we were a damsel in distress, but we want a man who is willing to go out on a limb and pursue a lasting, meaningful relationship with us, right?  (At least, that's what I'm hoping for!)  I want to be loved - not used, not manipulated, not told that I'm cute just so that I'll give him something, but LOVED!  Sure, I want to look good, but I want to do it in a way that leads me and others around me to holiness, not into bed.  Let's stop using this horrific phrase under our friends' pictures and instead say what we really mean:

You look stunningly beautiful today!

I like you just for who you are!

Being with you inspires me to be a better person!

I love you!

You've got that right, Ryan!

(image from Made In His Image's Facebook Page - check them out!  https://madeinhisimage.org/)

Running Into His Arms

I saw this E:60 video a couple of months ago.  It's about Kayla, a girl who finds out she has MS as a teenager.  She's a competitive athlete, and the way she deals with it is not only inspiring, it's almost unbelievable:

Video web address:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpA-FsKLA6A

After watching the video, I couldn't help but picture myself as Kayla and her coach as God.  Our Heavenly Father is ALWAYS waiting to catch us!  He encourages us throughout our lives as we race towards our ultimate goal of Heaven, waiting with His arms outstretched.  Without God there to catch us, we would keep running forever, searching for our end/purpose - but because He's with us through the whole thing, He helps us spiritually and physically find our purpose in life.

It doesn't mean it's going to be an easy race.  Remember how Kayla got there?  Because she had a life-altering moment, and she had to choose between giving up & falling into despair OR trying a new path that could lead her to a greater glory.  And her coach is there, "pushing her just the right amount" (as her mom says) - and she listens and responds to Him.  She has faith that he has her best interests at heart and knows what it will take to accomplish those goals.  THAT is exactly what God does for us.  He is urging us on, helping us become the best versions of ourselves that we can be - and the way we get there is by responding, taking action based on the way He is calling each of us.  If you fall?  Get back up and just keep heading for that finish line!  The times when you have to come back from behind will help you desire Our Father's arms even more.

And at the end of the race, He is there for us!  We might be completely worn out, unable to rely on our own emotions and bodies, but that's okay - because we let Him catch us.  We don't have to do it on our own!  Kayla flat out says that she trusts her coach with her life, and she repeats again and again "please help me" - because she knows that she needs her coach.  It's heartbreaking in the moment, but it is beautiful!  It's beautiful because, with the help of her coach and the community of people at the end of the race, she will get through the pain and will win the race in more ways than one.  She does it because it makes her feel whole.  Our challenge is to let Kayla's response to her coach become our response to God so that one day, we can join together with God & all the saints in Heaven and feel whole.

Heavenly Father, please help me.

I know You're waiting to catch me with arms wide open.

I trust You with my life.

Help me give it my all.

A Problem Like Maria

You never know when God is going to touch your heart...  For all you know, you might just be sitting down with your sister on Easter Monday, watching The Sound of Music and eating Easter candy, and then out of the blue your attention is drawn to this conversation between Maria & the Reverend Mother:

Maria:  I left...  I was frightened...  I was confused.  I felt, I've never felt that way before, I couldn't stay.  I knew that here I'd be away from it, I'd be safe...I can't face him again...  Oh, there were times when we would look at each other.  Oh, Mother, I could hardly breathe... That's what's been torturing me.  I was there on God's errand.  To have asked for his love would have been wrong.  I couldn't stay, I just couldn't.  I'm ready at this moment to take my vows.  Please help me.

Reverend Mother:  Maria, the love of a man and a woman is holy too.  You have a great capacity to love.  What you must find out is how God wants you to spend your love.

Maria:  But I pledged my life to God.  I pledged my life to his service.

Reverend Mother:  My daughter, if you love this man, it doesn't mean you love God less.  No, you must find out and you must go back.

Maria:  Oh, Mother, you can't ask me to do that.  Please let me stay, I beg of you.

Reverend Mother:  Maria, these walls were not built to shut out problems.  You have to face them.  You have to live the life you were born to live.

I used to be all about Liesl, loving her love story and singing about how I'm 16 going on 17.  (What girl doesn't belt out that song at some point in her life?!)  But now that I'm in my late (eek!) twenties, Maria is definitely my favorite.  I love how Maria is struggling with her discernment - because I can totally relate to the struggle!  About a year ago, I was really actively toying with the question of if I am called to be a nun.  I always tell my teens to discern their vocations, but am I really open to whatever God has in store for me?  Long story short, and after a few passionate conversations with a couple of good friends, I don't think that's where God is calling me right now (though I am keeping that door open just in case!).  However, I TOTALLY get Maria's feelings!

I left...I was frightened...I was confused. [...] I knew that here I'd be away from it, I'd be safe.  Have you ever felt like you don't know what to do with a feeling - especially one that can change your life?  For Maria, the idea of opening herself up to the Captain and admitting that she loved him was horrifying, because it could change everything!  Plus, she'd have to let herself be vulnerable...which is often not a fun feeling.  God's loving embrace should be our refuge, but that doesn't mean that we can just stay there, huddled up and not dealing with the world.  God's love is active, it doesn't sit still for eternity!  It's all about transforming the world for the better!  For me right now, I can see how I've become comfortable being single, and I could let myself be comfortable in this state of life forever.  But is that what God's calling me to?  Sure, for right now, but there's a good chance it's not my full vocation.  Just because the idea of dating and marriage sounds scary, does that mean that it's not worth it?  What if it'll help me enter into His embrace even more?

That's what's been torturing me.  I was there on God's errand...  This begs the question, do we ever really know the full picture of what God's calling us to and why?  I'd say that it's very rare, especially when we're in the moment.  I know I tell myself that "this is what God wants for me" and I put a period on the end of that, as if I know that this is what God's calling me to and that's it.  That's it?  Doubtful, right?  God is always calling us deeper into His love!  Why do we torture ourselves, trying to stay in one place, instead of really opening ourselves up in prayer to the fullness of God's will?

You have a great capacity to love.  What you must find out is how God wants you to spend your love.  This might be the best discernment advice I've ever heard.  I can feel Maria's pain when she says that she's ready at this moment to take her vows - because I've been there!  I have those moments in prayer when I'm yelling at God.  I can see how Maria thinks "hey, I've let myself be drawn to this convent from a very early age, and I want to give my life to God - that should be it!  It's beautiful, it's what I want, it's loving God!"  ...and for Maria, it's an easier choice, the one that doesn't challenge her to become a stronger and more courageous person.  I've desperately wanted to just give God my life - but, I forget the grace that is in the patient waiting and praying and listening.  Just because it's a good option doesn't mean it's the option that God's leading me to - and if it's not the option that God's trying to lead me to, it's not the one for me (even if it is the best and most beautiful option for someone else!).  There are lots of wonderful ways to love God, and love God with your whole heart - but which is the one that is best for you?

Maria, these walls were not built to shut out problems.  You have to face them.  You have to live the life you were born to live.  You can't shut out your problems forever and think that you can fly by them in order to get to heaven!  The Church, your vocation, and your life are meant to bring you closer to Christ - but that doesn't mean that being Catholic, or figuring out that you're called to marriage, or finding the right friends or right job will let you pass by every challenge.  Instead, they give us a way to handle our problems and find the meaning within them.  They help remind us to keep our focused on Christ when we do struggle, so that when we get to St. Peter and have to choose Christ or ourselves, we choose Christ because we've trusted Him all along.  God created us out of love for love - stop being scared of what might happen or not happen, have faith, and live the life you were born to live!

So thank you, Maria, for being real and speaking what was truly the struggle of your heart.  You've made me more thankful for the people in my life who have been my Reverend Mother - my in-the-moment spiritual directors who encourage me to keep listening to the Holy Spirit as it moves in my life.  I can be decent at hearing God's will...but deciding what the right step is and when to take it is hard!  Here's to hoping that we are always open in our different moments of discernment - and once we've heard God, we find the encouragement and strength we need to step out and walk on the water.

Breathing in God's Peace

Peace.  That's what we're all looking for, right?  A place, a person, a reason to slow down, focus, and breathe a little bit.  As a twenty-something Catholic who is trying to discern what exactly God wants for her and how exactly God wants to use her, this is all I want!  Plus, my job as a youth minister is no picnic in this idea of peace, that's for sure.  My brain is constantly thinking a thousand thoughts at the same time...

     ...Who should I ask to chaperone that summer trip in four months?

          ...Why has that person not responded to my email yet?

                         ...Why is my friend acting so strangely today?  Or maybe that's just normal...

     ...Who do I still need to get together with for lunch?

                    ...How do I help that teen to see that best way to love God AND her boyfriend?

          ...Why did that person give me such a bad critique?  Am I good enough?

                              ...My prayer life could use some new life.  Maybe I'll get back in to Night Prayer.

     ...Have I been working too much lately?  Who's up for a movie night this weekend?

                    ...How can I get more teens to want to come to our Life Nights?

                                 ...How do I get more adults to want to commit to our Life Nights?

          ...Why am I not 100% sure of my vocation yet?  Should I be doing something differently?

                               ...Is this what God wants for me?  Is this what You want for me, God?

I think I can safely say that no, this - the list of endless thoughts that take me in circles - is not what God wants for me.  All He wants for me, and all He wants for any of us, is to find peace - and specifically, the peace that He gives us when we run to Him with open arms.  Every once in a while, I find that peace and let myself really revel in it.

The reason why this blog exists is two-fold:  I hope to find peace within it, and I hope to give whoever reads it some peace as well.  That doesn't mean I won't throw out some challenges - what fun would that be?!  However, I don't expect to be the reason behind any of the peace it might bring, either to you or to me.  Instead, I want to focus on the peace that God brings us - and the only way we get peace is because of this word breath[e]...

breath, the breath of God

breathe, breathe it in

Whenever someone comes to me with a problem, explaining the long back-story with all the ins and outs of the issue and ranting about all the different people involved, the first thing I tell them (after listening to the story) is to breathe.  First, you have to breathe.  The only way we can be inspired by God, living in His love and finding His peace, is to breathe in His Spirit.  It's how He gave us life in the beginning - why do we think it would work any differently now?  This blog is one of the ways I'm trying to take a step back from the rambling thoughts, sit in God's presence, and breathe in His Spirit.  I'll leave you with the prayer that God placed on my heart this past summer:

Patience & Peace

will lead you to Grace.

Focus.

Trust.

Be still.