Beer, Faith, & Freedom

Something that's bothered me for a while is the concept of freedom.  Living in the world that we do as Americans, we definitely take freedom for granted!  We also think that freedom is defined as "the ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want, with whomever I want."  Basically, it's all about what I want to do - and if you try to tell me I can't do something, then you are limiting me and taking away my freedom.

So...story time.  Let's say that you are a forth year in college (UVA grad here, so not a "senior").  You and a group of friends decide to attend a party where there will be drinking, and you decide to head over to the keg.  You are old enough to legally drink, so there's no problem there, right?  As it gets later into the night, you *freely* decide to keep getting more drinks - some beer from the keg, some mixed drinks from the make-shift bar, and even a couple of whiskey shots from your friend's flask.

Pause.  Okay, going into the night, yes, you made choices freely:  you weren't pressured into going, and you freely chose to drink, even to excess.  That's your right!  You are allowed to do it, and you decided to do it!  You're free to do what you want, and you did it!  Nothing wrong with that...right?

You think about going home, and after another shot, you walk home with your friends, barely making it into your apartment before passing out on the couch.  The next morning, you wake up in a daze, feeling like you're going to be seeing whatever it is you ate and drank last night again.  After fighting it for a bit, you have to admit it - you are super hung over, and the plans you had for your day are screwed.  You're too nauseous to eat lunch with the guy who finally asked you out, you're too dizzy to write your term paper that's due the next day, you don't remember what you said last night to get such a nasty text from your best friend...basically, all you can do is give in to the hang over, make some mac n' cheese, and watch Friends on Netflix for the third time as you nap on and off all day.

Is this what we want?  Do we really want a freedom that lets us do whatever we want in the moment but doesn't take into account the future?  When God gave Adam & Eve free will, He didn't just say "hey kids, go have fun and do whatever you want!"  Nope, there were some guidelines:  make sure to name all the animals, don't eat the fruit from 1 tree, and don't be stupid.  (Okay, I added that last one.)  Why are there guidelines?  Because each of the decisions we freely make has a ripple effect, with some decisions leading to good effects and some to bad.  Adam & Eve could still make the decision to eat from the tree (which they did...ugh), but God's guidelines were there to make them think about that decision and warn them that the outcome might not be good, no matter how delicious the pomegranate was!  God wasn't trying to limit their freedom to choose - He was trying to help them stay free from their worldly desires and continue to live in His love!

In the story, the college kid chose freely to go to the party, but by making that decision, they were NOT free the next day to do whatever they want.  Simply put, they freely chose to give up their freedom!  That second day, they were not able to do whatever they wanted...and if our culture is going to require that we must be able to always do whatever we think we want whenever we want it in order to be free, it's not going to work out for very long.  The college kid might not have realized it, but the deeper they got into the party, the more they lost their next day's freedom.

Just in case you were getting nervous, I'm not saying that all drinking is bad - I am Catholic after all, and I love getting together for a round of beers with my friends!  All I'm saying is that we should challenge this idea of a short-term freedom being such a great thing.  How amazing would our lives be if we all made decisions based on a vision of one eternal home rather than one fun night?  I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a slave to my desires (Galatians 5:13 - check it out).  I want to live a life of purpose, using my freedom to choose God in all circumstances, not because I've made myself incapable of doing something else but simply because I want to.  I want the Holy Spirit - the Breath of God, the reason why we are alive and are free to make decisions in the first place - to fill my life all of my days so that, when I meet God face to face and get to choose between living with Him & finding my purpose OR doing my own thing & wandering around without Him forever, I use my freedom to choose Heaven.  Instead of being free (and potentially stupid) tonight, let's try to be free forever.

Freedom Reigns by Jesus Culture

"Cute af" & the Concept of Beauty

OK, I just have to rant for a second.  What's up with this phrase "cute af"?  Why is it so popular, and why are girls the ones who are using it all the time?  It is so disturbing to me that so many of the teens and young adults out there (many of them my teens, who I truly care about!) are using this phrase!  If you don't know what this is, I apologize for taking this small piece of innocence away from you, but it means "cute as f***."  (NOW do you see why this is so disturbing?!)  Girls will comment under their friends' Instagram selfies that they look "cute af", and sometimes the poster even labels herself by saying she's "feeling cute af" today.  Seriously - no matter what the context, it is a disgusting, volatile, makes-me-want-to-vomit-because-I'm-so-concerned-about-the state-of-our-culture kind of phrase.  It pierces my heart whenever I see it!  (Just ask my friends - they can confirm how much I distaste this phrase, with text message conversations to prove it!)

I don't say this to degrade the teens and women out there who have used this, but for the love of all that is good and holy, can we please think about what it is that "cute af" means?  Actually, let's start with what it doesn't mean:

It doesn't mean beautiful.
It doesn't mean desired by a pure heart.
It doesn't mean attractive in body and spirit.
It doesn't mean loveable.

Nope, it means exactly what it says - it means that you look like you are ready to lay down on a bed and fully expose yourself to a man.  That word is not the same as wanting to "make love" to someone, which is what sex should be doing - embodying the love that a man and a woman have for each other so that their bodies become one flesh as their lives become one life - no, that word means that someone wants to use you to get some pleasure before moving on to the next thing that gets him aroused.  Just.....ew. 

And what makes that knife in my heart twist around is the fact that it comes out of a beautiful and holy longing to be desired, cherished, and loved.  As women, we want to be fought for!  We don't need to be rescued as if we were a damsel in distress, but we want a man who is willing to go out on a limb and pursue a lasting, meaningful relationship with us, right?  (At least, that's what I'm hoping for!)  I want to be loved - not used, not manipulated, not told that I'm cute just so that I'll give him something, but LOVED!  Sure, I want to look good, but I want to do it in a way that leads me and others around me to holiness, not into bed.  Let's stop using this horrific phrase under our friends' pictures and instead say what we really mean:

You look stunningly beautiful today!

I like you just for who you are!

Being with you inspires me to be a better person!

I love you!

You've got that right, Ryan!

(image from Made In His Image's Facebook Page - check them out!  https://madeinhisimage.org/)

Running Into His Arms

I saw this E:60 video a couple of months ago.  It's about Kayla, a girl who finds out she has MS as a teenager.  She's a competitive athlete, and the way she deals with it is not only inspiring, it's almost unbelievable:

Video web address:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpA-FsKLA6A

After watching the video, I couldn't help but picture myself as Kayla and her coach as God.  Our Heavenly Father is ALWAYS waiting to catch us!  He encourages us throughout our lives as we race towards our ultimate goal of Heaven, waiting with His arms outstretched.  Without God there to catch us, we would keep running forever, searching for our end/purpose - but because He's with us through the whole thing, He helps us spiritually and physically find our purpose in life.

It doesn't mean it's going to be an easy race.  Remember how Kayla got there?  Because she had a life-altering moment, and she had to choose between giving up & falling into despair OR trying a new path that could lead her to a greater glory.  And her coach is there, "pushing her just the right amount" (as her mom says) - and she listens and responds to Him.  She has faith that he has her best interests at heart and knows what it will take to accomplish those goals.  THAT is exactly what God does for us.  He is urging us on, helping us become the best versions of ourselves that we can be - and the way we get there is by responding, taking action based on the way He is calling each of us.  If you fall?  Get back up and just keep heading for that finish line!  The times when you have to come back from behind will help you desire Our Father's arms even more.

And at the end of the race, He is there for us!  We might be completely worn out, unable to rely on our own emotions and bodies, but that's okay - because we let Him catch us.  We don't have to do it on our own!  Kayla flat out says that she trusts her coach with her life, and she repeats again and again "please help me" - because she knows that she needs her coach.  It's heartbreaking in the moment, but it is beautiful!  It's beautiful because, with the help of her coach and the community of people at the end of the race, she will get through the pain and will win the race in more ways than one.  She does it because it makes her feel whole.  Our challenge is to let Kayla's response to her coach become our response to God so that one day, we can join together with God & all the saints in Heaven and feel whole.

Heavenly Father, please help me.

I know You're waiting to catch me with arms wide open.

I trust You with my life.

Help me give it my all.

A Problem Like Maria

You never know when God is going to touch your heart...  For all you know, you might just be sitting down with your sister on Easter Monday, watching The Sound of Music and eating Easter candy, and then out of the blue your attention is drawn to this conversation between Maria & the Reverend Mother:

Maria:  I left...  I was frightened...  I was confused.  I felt, I've never felt that way before, I couldn't stay.  I knew that here I'd be away from it, I'd be safe...I can't face him again...  Oh, there were times when we would look at each other.  Oh, Mother, I could hardly breathe... That's what's been torturing me.  I was there on God's errand.  To have asked for his love would have been wrong.  I couldn't stay, I just couldn't.  I'm ready at this moment to take my vows.  Please help me.

Reverend Mother:  Maria, the love of a man and a woman is holy too.  You have a great capacity to love.  What you must find out is how God wants you to spend your love.

Maria:  But I pledged my life to God.  I pledged my life to his service.

Reverend Mother:  My daughter, if you love this man, it doesn't mean you love God less.  No, you must find out and you must go back.

Maria:  Oh, Mother, you can't ask me to do that.  Please let me stay, I beg of you.

Reverend Mother:  Maria, these walls were not built to shut out problems.  You have to face them.  You have to live the life you were born to live.

I used to be all about Liesl, loving her love story and singing about how I'm 16 going on 17.  (What girl doesn't belt out that song at some point in her life?!)  But now that I'm in my late (eek!) twenties, Maria is definitely my favorite.  I love how Maria is struggling with her discernment - because I can totally relate to the struggle!  About a year ago, I was really actively toying with the question of if I am called to be a nun.  I always tell my teens to discern their vocations, but am I really open to whatever God has in store for me?  Long story short, and after a few passionate conversations with a couple of good friends, I don't think that's where God is calling me right now (though I am keeping that door open just in case!).  However, I TOTALLY get Maria's feelings!

I left...I was frightened...I was confused. [...] I knew that here I'd be away from it, I'd be safe.  Have you ever felt like you don't know what to do with a feeling - especially one that can change your life?  For Maria, the idea of opening herself up to the Captain and admitting that she loved him was horrifying, because it could change everything!  Plus, she'd have to let herself be vulnerable...which is often not a fun feeling.  God's loving embrace should be our refuge, but that doesn't mean that we can just stay there, huddled up and not dealing with the world.  God's love is active, it doesn't sit still for eternity!  It's all about transforming the world for the better!  For me right now, I can see how I've become comfortable being single, and I could let myself be comfortable in this state of life forever.  But is that what God's calling me to?  Sure, for right now, but there's a good chance it's not my full vocation.  Just because the idea of dating and marriage sounds scary, does that mean that it's not worth it?  What if it'll help me enter into His embrace even more?

That's what's been torturing me.  I was there on God's errand...  This begs the question, do we ever really know the full picture of what God's calling us to and why?  I'd say that it's very rare, especially when we're in the moment.  I know I tell myself that "this is what God wants for me" and I put a period on the end of that, as if I know that this is what God's calling me to and that's it.  That's it?  Doubtful, right?  God is always calling us deeper into His love!  Why do we torture ourselves, trying to stay in one place, instead of really opening ourselves up in prayer to the fullness of God's will?

You have a great capacity to love.  What you must find out is how God wants you to spend your love.  This might be the best discernment advice I've ever heard.  I can feel Maria's pain when she says that she's ready at this moment to take her vows - because I've been there!  I have those moments in prayer when I'm yelling at God.  I can see how Maria thinks "hey, I've let myself be drawn to this convent from a very early age, and I want to give my life to God - that should be it!  It's beautiful, it's what I want, it's loving God!"  ...and for Maria, it's an easier choice, the one that doesn't challenge her to become a stronger and more courageous person.  I've desperately wanted to just give God my life - but, I forget the grace that is in the patient waiting and praying and listening.  Just because it's a good option doesn't mean it's the option that God's leading me to - and if it's not the option that God's trying to lead me to, it's not the one for me (even if it is the best and most beautiful option for someone else!).  There are lots of wonderful ways to love God, and love God with your whole heart - but which is the one that is best for you?

Maria, these walls were not built to shut out problems.  You have to face them.  You have to live the life you were born to live.  You can't shut out your problems forever and think that you can fly by them in order to get to heaven!  The Church, your vocation, and your life are meant to bring you closer to Christ - but that doesn't mean that being Catholic, or figuring out that you're called to marriage, or finding the right friends or right job will let you pass by every challenge.  Instead, they give us a way to handle our problems and find the meaning within them.  They help remind us to keep our focused on Christ when we do struggle, so that when we get to St. Peter and have to choose Christ or ourselves, we choose Christ because we've trusted Him all along.  God created us out of love for love - stop being scared of what might happen or not happen, have faith, and live the life you were born to live!

So thank you, Maria, for being real and speaking what was truly the struggle of your heart.  You've made me more thankful for the people in my life who have been my Reverend Mother - my in-the-moment spiritual directors who encourage me to keep listening to the Holy Spirit as it moves in my life.  I can be decent at hearing God's will...but deciding what the right step is and when to take it is hard!  Here's to hoping that we are always open in our different moments of discernment - and once we've heard God, we find the encouragement and strength we need to step out and walk on the water.

Breathing in God's Peace

Peace.  That's what we're all looking for, right?  A place, a person, a reason to slow down, focus, and breathe a little bit.  As a twenty-something Catholic who is trying to discern what exactly God wants for her and how exactly God wants to use her, this is all I want!  Plus, my job as a youth minister is no picnic in this idea of peace, that's for sure.  My brain is constantly thinking a thousand thoughts at the same time...

     ...Who should I ask to chaperone that summer trip in four months?

          ...Why has that person not responded to my email yet?

                         ...Why is my friend acting so strangely today?  Or maybe that's just normal...

     ...Who do I still need to get together with for lunch?

                    ...How do I help that teen to see that best way to love God AND her boyfriend?

          ...Why did that person give me such a bad critique?  Am I good enough?

                              ...My prayer life could use some new life.  Maybe I'll get back in to Night Prayer.

     ...Have I been working too much lately?  Who's up for a movie night this weekend?

                    ...How can I get more teens to want to come to our Life Nights?

                                 ...How do I get more adults to want to commit to our Life Nights?

          ...Why am I not 100% sure of my vocation yet?  Should I be doing something differently?

                               ...Is this what God wants for me?  Is this what You want for me, God?

I think I can safely say that no, this - the list of endless thoughts that take me in circles - is not what God wants for me.  All He wants for me, and all He wants for any of us, is to find peace - and specifically, the peace that He gives us when we run to Him with open arms.  Every once in a while, I find that peace and let myself really revel in it.

The reason why this blog exists is two-fold:  I hope to find peace within it, and I hope to give whoever reads it some peace as well.  That doesn't mean I won't throw out some challenges - what fun would that be?!  However, I don't expect to be the reason behind any of the peace it might bring, either to you or to me.  Instead, I want to focus on the peace that God brings us - and the only way we get peace is because of this word breath[e]...

breath, the breath of God

breathe, breathe it in

Whenever someone comes to me with a problem, explaining the long back-story with all the ins and outs of the issue and ranting about all the different people involved, the first thing I tell them (after listening to the story) is to breathe.  First, you have to breathe.  The only way we can be inspired by God, living in His love and finding His peace, is to breathe in His Spirit.  It's how He gave us life in the beginning - why do we think it would work any differently now?  This blog is one of the ways I'm trying to take a step back from the rambling thoughts, sit in God's presence, and breathe in His Spirit.  I'll leave you with the prayer that God placed on my heart this past summer:

Patience & Peace

will lead you to Grace.

Focus.

Trust.

Be still.